Abandon hope all ye who enter here.
Hurry, hurry - step right up! The big DNC Freak Show is about to begin! For four days and four days only, you'll see human oddities, nature's mistakes, and performers who mystify, terrify, and refuse to testify! They're all alive and all inside! (Don't push, kid, there's room for everyone!)
For the price of one small vote (additional donations happily accepted, foreign currency welcome), you'll see the entire cavalcade of curiosities waiting for you just inside the heavily-guarded doors of the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia!
SEE: The Human Pincushion, Bernie Sanders,
as he is jabbed and needled repeatedly by supposedly impartial members of the DNC!
SEE: The Bearded Lady, Michelle Obama,
who has been her husband's beard for decades!
SEE: The Tattooed Woman, Lena Dunham,
who will delight you with her tales of false rape accusations
and true descriptions of sexually violating her baby sister!
SEE: The Human Skeleton, Bill "End-stage Syphilis" Clinton!
SEE: The Amazing Sword Swallower,
(We don't know her name because she
just ducked into a back room with Bill Clinton.)
SEE: The Brainless Woman who votes with her vagina!
But wait! That's only the beginning of the amazing marvels waiting to transport you into a four year progressive wonderland of terrors and delights!
SEE: Snail Boy, Barack Obama,
as he presides over the slowest economic recovery in history
and struggles to get out the words "radical Islamic terror!"
SEE: The mother of Gentle Giant Michael Brown,
who shares the story of the gargantuan attempted cop-killer
who transformed into a liberal martyr right before our eyes!
SEE: The Pickled Punks
Is there really one born every minute? Not anymore, thanks to your tax dollars!
Planned Parenthood's Cecile Richards presents the Kermit Gosnell collection of
babies in brine, feet in formaldehyde, and juveniles in jars!
SEE: Magistrate The Magician
A conjurist in black robes who will take Antonin Scalia's seat
and make Constitutional amendments vanish!
SEE: The Unwilling Fire Eater, Ambassador Chris Stevens!
(Please, no video recording!)
SEE: The star of the show, Serpentina the Snake Woman, Hillary Clinton,
as she slithers out of one scandal after another!
Mothers bring your daughters! Fathers bring your sons! You'll be stunned! You'll be shocked! Your world will be rocked! So hurry, hurry, hurry! See the land of the freaks and the home of the brazen! The big show is starting NOW!
Turnabout is Foul Play?
Although we've paraphrased, Trump said ALL of this stuff and more.
GOP heads exploded Wednesday night when Senator Ted Cruz spoke at the Republican National Convention and spoke passionately of the need to defend freedom and the constitution...and got booed off the stage for his trouble.
The reason? He failed to endorse Donald Trump by name, and instead told the audience to consider who will be best for America and then vote their conscience. It's pretty hard to see that as an endorsement of Hillary "Cackles" Clinton, but many Trump supporters seem to have taken it that way - oddly suggesting that they think that there's some inherent schism between supporting the constitution and voting for the now-official GOP nominee.
Personally, Hope n' Change thinks Cruz gave the closest thing to a pro-Trump endorsement humanly possible while still retaining a shred of integrity after the myriad personal attacks the billionaire made on his family and character during the primary campaign. Any "pledge" was rendered moot by Mr. Trump himself - after all, how could he have eventually "supported" any other candidate credibly after having destroyed their reputations through name-calling and vile assertions during the primary season?
Moreover, by eloquently making the case for conservative values (something we'd frankly like to see Mr. Trump do), Cruz was certainly making it clear that our nation can't afford to have Hillary in the White House. And by telling hardcore conservatives that they must not stay home on election day, and must cast votes up and down the GOP ticket, he was reminding even those not in love with Trump that there is more at stake here than one candidate, and many more offices which must be held or won.
So we say "good for Ted Cruz" and "good for those who plan to vote for Trump" and "good for those who plan to vote against Hillary by voting for Trump."
The circular firing squad on the Right has got to stop shooting their allies and keep the larger targets in sight. And while "Never Hillary" isn't all that matters, it's currently what matters most... and Ted Cruz said as much.
BONUS: ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE PISS A CHANCE
Definitely a "glass half-full" situation
Okay, we haven't even TRIED to report good news for countless recent Fridays, but must admit that we got a kick out of the story from Cleveland that protesters representing Black Lives Matter, the Ku Klux Klan, and the Westboro Baptist Church were fighting and throwing urine at each other.
Frankly, this strikes us as a win-win-win scenario!
Religion of Pieces
obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, terror, germany, train, ax, isis, dukes of hazzard, confederate flag
The attacker was NOT "just a good old boy."
The latest terror attack (as of this writing - but the day is young yet) took place Monday evening on a German train when a young Afghan "refugee" started chopping his fellow passengers with an axe while shouting "Allahu Akbar" (which would still have Barack Obama puzzled as to his motives).
15 people were hurt, 3 critically, before the maniac got a lesson ("rock, scissors, paper" style) that bullets beat hatchets. ISIS has subsequently claimed responsibility, and the attacker left a note claiming to be self-radicalized, along with a handmade ISIS flag.
We are again sadly reminded that - contrary to this administration's repeated claims - guns aren't to blame for acts of terror. In a pinch, an axe or a speeding truck will make a perfectly acceptable, and deadly, substitute for those with murder in mind...or in their appalling ideology.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg
Hurry, hurry - step right up! The big DNC Freak Show is about to begin! For four days and four days only, you'll see human oddities, nature's mistakes, and performers who mystify, terrify, and refuse to testify! They're all alive and all inside! (Don't push, kid, there's room for everyone!)
For the price of one small vote (additional donations happily accepted, foreign currency welcome), you'll see the entire cavalcade of curiosities waiting for you just inside the heavily-guarded doors of the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia!
SEE: The Human Pincushion, Bernie Sanders,
as he is jabbed and needled repeatedly by supposedly impartial members of the DNC!
SEE: The Bearded Lady, Michelle Obama,
who has been her husband's beard for decades!
SEE: The Tattooed Woman, Lena Dunham,
who will delight you with her tales of false rape accusations
and true descriptions of sexually violating her baby sister!
SEE: The Human Skeleton, Bill "End-stage Syphilis" Clinton!
SEE: The Amazing Sword Swallower,
(We don't know her name because she
just ducked into a back room with Bill Clinton.)
SEE: The Brainless Woman who votes with her vagina!
But wait! That's only the beginning of the amazing marvels waiting to transport you into a four year progressive wonderland of terrors and delights!
SEE: Snail Boy, Barack Obama,
as he presides over the slowest economic recovery in history
and struggles to get out the words "radical Islamic terror!"
SEE: The mother of Gentle Giant Michael Brown,
who shares the story of the gargantuan attempted cop-killer
who transformed into a liberal martyr right before our eyes!
SEE: The Pickled Punks
Is there really one born every minute? Not anymore, thanks to your tax dollars!
Planned Parenthood's Cecile Richards presents the Kermit Gosnell collection of
babies in brine, feet in formaldehyde, and juveniles in jars!
SEE: Magistrate The Magician
A conjurist in black robes who will take Antonin Scalia's seat
and make Constitutional amendments vanish!
SEE: The Unwilling Fire Eater, Ambassador Chris Stevens!
(Please, no video recording!)
SEE: The star of the show, Serpentina the Snake Woman, Hillary Clinton,
as she slithers out of one scandal after another!
Mothers bring your daughters! Fathers bring your sons! You'll be stunned! You'll be shocked! Your world will be rocked! So hurry, hurry, hurry! See the land of the freaks and the home of the brazen! The big show is starting NOW!
Turnabout is Foul Play?
Although we've paraphrased, Trump said ALL of this stuff and more.
GOP heads exploded Wednesday night when Senator Ted Cruz spoke at the Republican National Convention and spoke passionately of the need to defend freedom and the constitution...and got booed off the stage for his trouble.
The reason? He failed to endorse Donald Trump by name, and instead told the audience to consider who will be best for America and then vote their conscience. It's pretty hard to see that as an endorsement of Hillary "Cackles" Clinton, but many Trump supporters seem to have taken it that way - oddly suggesting that they think that there's some inherent schism between supporting the constitution and voting for the now-official GOP nominee.
Personally, Hope n' Change thinks Cruz gave the closest thing to a pro-Trump endorsement humanly possible while still retaining a shred of integrity after the myriad personal attacks the billionaire made on his family and character during the primary campaign. Any "pledge" was rendered moot by Mr. Trump himself - after all, how could he have eventually "supported" any other candidate credibly after having destroyed their reputations through name-calling and vile assertions during the primary season?
Moreover, by eloquently making the case for conservative values (something we'd frankly like to see Mr. Trump do), Cruz was certainly making it clear that our nation can't afford to have Hillary in the White House. And by telling hardcore conservatives that they must not stay home on election day, and must cast votes up and down the GOP ticket, he was reminding even those not in love with Trump that there is more at stake here than one candidate, and many more offices which must be held or won.
So we say "good for Ted Cruz" and "good for those who plan to vote for Trump" and "good for those who plan to vote against Hillary by voting for Trump."
The circular firing squad on the Right has got to stop shooting their allies and keep the larger targets in sight. And while "Never Hillary" isn't all that matters, it's currently what matters most... and Ted Cruz said as much.
BONUS: ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE PISS A CHANCE
Definitely a "glass half-full" situation
Okay, we haven't even TRIED to report good news for countless recent Fridays, but must admit that we got a kick out of the story from Cleveland that protesters representing Black Lives Matter, the Ku Klux Klan, and the Westboro Baptist Church were fighting and throwing urine at each other.
Frankly, this strikes us as a win-win-win scenario!
Religion of Pieces
obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, terror, germany, train, ax, isis, dukes of hazzard, confederate flag
The attacker was NOT "just a good old boy."
The latest terror attack (as of this writing - but the day is young yet) took place Monday evening on a German train when a young Afghan "refugee" started chopping his fellow passengers with an axe while shouting "Allahu Akbar" (which would still have Barack Obama puzzled as to his motives).
15 people were hurt, 3 critically, before the maniac got a lesson ("rock, scissors, paper" style) that bullets beat hatchets. ISIS has subsequently claimed responsibility, and the attacker left a note claiming to be self-radicalized, along with a handmade ISIS flag.
We are again sadly reminded that - contrary to this administration's repeated claims - guns aren't to blame for acts of terror. In a pinch, an axe or a speeding truck will make a perfectly acceptable, and deadly, substitute for those with murder in mind...or in their appalling ideology.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg