So I've decided to make this sort of thing dunno what it's called really, I think people call it 'My story' so yeah here's my story I guess..

So I was born on 23 of April 1997. My parents says I wasn't expected, I had a pretty normal childhood I would say. I have a big brother who's 25 now and a little sister who's 14 and I have a mum and dad and I love them very much, I also have a very close family that I love.

You know in school like 2 grade to 8 grade you have swimming? If you guys in the uk and us do that sorry if I'm wrong. But we do here in Norway and in 4 grade my whole class went swimming in our local swimming park or whatever you call it, me and some friends went over to sit in the corner until our teachers called us up and we began to swim there, and I wasn't a very good swimmer I got kicked in the face and dragged further and further out in the pool, I remember trying to gasp for air and scream for help but it didn't work, after trying and trying I just have up.. So I was underwater for about maybe 2 minutes I think until one of my classmates found me. They say I was clinically dead for 5 minutes before they "brought me back to life" I don't remember that but my mum says I had vomit in my hair and yeah that's gross.
I was in hospital for about 2 or 3 weeks, the doctors did lots of tests and stuff before I could go home.

Nothing much happen after that except bulling everyday for 7 years, I don't really like to talk about that but you know you haw that one girl who's pretty and popular and has all the other girls behind her, yeah let's just say that's not me at all, I was quiet shy when I was little. It was always me who got the job as the message sender for each of the girls who wear fighting and it always ended with me being blamed for lying even though I didn't. I remember me and this one girl hated each other I would kick her and hit her and she would get all the boys to beat me up.

That's what I remember for 1 to 7 grade...

So about two years ago I didn't feel good about myself I started Gaining weight, I had now started high schooling think you guys call it.
It was horrible cause I didn't get in class with anyone I liked at all, I would always forget my gym cloths cause I didn't want to shower with the other girls and have them see me.

I started cutting too because I hated myself I still do, my sister got diagnosed with this thing cause she's always been inpatient since we were little and she would always kick me or scratch me so I would have scars, I feel like my mum always puts her before me and I hate it.

When I started cutting it wasn't deep and most people would say it hurts but I didn't feel the pain cause I hate myself so I deserve it I though..

I quit school cause I just couldn't take it anymore, it's been a year and I haven't been to school.
I stated seeing a physiatrist last year before summer, and I though it would help but no all she wanted to do was talk about the day I nearly drowned not that my parents had just moved away from each other that only made it worse really.

My dad was really drunk one day and we were going to my cousins conformation and he didn't show up cause he was so drunk and partying with his friends so we ended up not going either. My mum later said to my dad she couldn't do this anymore so he moved out, and it's all my fault, I'm the reason my dad got drunk since I'm so useless and I've ruined their life's.

This year I got into a sort of rehab thing but it didn't work out I hated it there and wanted to go home right away.

I haven't told anyone about this well I have but they though it was a joke and that I would never do something like that, but this year I tried to kill myself several times but hanging myself but the rope broke case I'm too fat and I tried to drown myself unlucky for me my mum and sister just got home then, I've tried to strangle myself and I've tried to take an overdoes of every pill I could find in my house.

Not too long ago I found out my dads got a new girlfriend or as he says his new "friend". I've seen one photo of her and she looks like she's 20 years old and she's really pretty too.

My mum hates me all I do is wrong to her she always snaps at me, and says things like "you don't even do anything around here or clean up after yourself" but I do actually I really do because she's the one who doesn't and I'm the one who cleaned up most of the time.
My sister always gets whatever she wants and I'm lucky to get to go to the movies once every year or so.

My name is Tonje and I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate my hair, my eyes, my arms, my legs, my stomach, I hate everything about me.

I actually think it's gone that far that I don't think I can do this anymore, I really just want to die.

The only reason I've been alive for this long is because of One Direction they saved my life, I went to their concert in may and it was the most incredible thing ever, I love them so much especially Niall he's my crush, I just love his eyes and hair and his personality, he's so carefree something I wish I could be, he's just amazing their all amazing, I wish I could meet them and thank them but that will never happen.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm seeking attention cause I don't I just needed to get it all out.

I think maybe later this summer I'll probably kill myself..

This was my story and you can say I'm a attention seeking bitch or whatever but I'm just a lost person who doesn't know what to do anymore...