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So I've just been reading this...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jun/14/men-dont-understand-lesbians-bindel
which I have various opinions on but there are a few comments which seem to hold particular relevance to me today.
Last night I went out with my girlfriends, what was planning to be a few drinks turned into staggering home at 4 am this morning. We hit the clubs as usually occurs on these nights out, although it's worth noting that for me this was the first time I'd been out, out in more than a year.
It was the usual Wednesday night, studenty, 2 guys to every girl, drunken mess that it always is. So at first, my two friends and I dance up a storm, practice the art of rescuing each other from overly drunk men and have a laugh with the ones that are sober enough to not literally fall on you. This practice soon became tiring though as it seems talking/ dancing/ smiling at a man in a club gives him a free pass to grope you on his way to the bar.
I'm being overly harsh with my generalisations, there were some nice guys there last night who did just want to hang out and have fun, but unfortunately the majoirity of the men we attracted were not these guys (what does that say about us...?!).
So eventually I try a new tactic when I'm chatting to these men, trying to explain that I'm not interested. I told them the truth, I told them that I'm gay. I don't usually bother with this as I'm not arrogant enough to believe that they really care.
It turns out that it's not a way to explain why you're not interested in anything more than an innocent dance and a chat. In most cases it's a new challenge for these drunk men to try and overcome. Some started with, I don't believe you, prove it and moved onto the, 'I can turn you straight method'. Others, and this was my favourite, played the, well then you can kiss me and it wont mean anything card - it's an interested logic if nothing else.
Usually my friends and I get a little attention when we go out but mostly only from the really wasted guys who are too drunk to perservere (This makes us sounds like dogs, I don't think we're a bad looking group, we just don't go out to meet men - the other two have boyfriends, and so we focus on each other, not on posing). Yet last night was so hugely extreme that once I said to one guy, no thanks, I'm gay, lets talk instead? (ha) they'd go and tell their friends and then they would subsequently all try and work several new angles.
What this experience has left me wondering is why? I know there's the whole lesbian porn thing, plus, I'm in no ways butch (my best guy friend calls my girlfriend and I 'porn star lesbians'). However, it was literally like the best chat up line I could have ever used. Was it the alcohol? Is it the media? I would really love to know what fuels this mentality.
Don't get me wrong, I was aware of this before (think Mark Sloane in Grey's Anatomy sat in the middle of the relationship between Callie and @JessicaCapshaw 's Arizona, a good guy deep down, a good friend and yet still a little creepy when it comes to it), I'd just never experienced it on such a huge scale.
I should say that I did actually meet some great guys last night, but unfortunately, they were the exception?!
Anybody got the answer to this?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jun/14/men-dont-understand-lesbians-bindel
which I have various opinions on but there are a few comments which seem to hold particular relevance to me today.
Last night I went out with my girlfriends, what was planning to be a few drinks turned into staggering home at 4 am this morning. We hit the clubs as usually occurs on these nights out, although it's worth noting that for me this was the first time I'd been out, out in more than a year.
It was the usual Wednesday night, studenty, 2 guys to every girl, drunken mess that it always is. So at first, my two friends and I dance up a storm, practice the art of rescuing each other from overly drunk men and have a laugh with the ones that are sober enough to not literally fall on you. This practice soon became tiring though as it seems talking/ dancing/ smiling at a man in a club gives him a free pass to grope you on his way to the bar.
I'm being overly harsh with my generalisations, there were some nice guys there last night who did just want to hang out and have fun, but unfortunately the majoirity of the men we attracted were not these guys (what does that say about us...?!).
So eventually I try a new tactic when I'm chatting to these men, trying to explain that I'm not interested. I told them the truth, I told them that I'm gay. I don't usually bother with this as I'm not arrogant enough to believe that they really care.
It turns out that it's not a way to explain why you're not interested in anything more than an innocent dance and a chat. In most cases it's a new challenge for these drunk men to try and overcome. Some started with, I don't believe you, prove it and moved onto the, 'I can turn you straight method'. Others, and this was my favourite, played the, well then you can kiss me and it wont mean anything card - it's an interested logic if nothing else.
Usually my friends and I get a little attention when we go out but mostly only from the really wasted guys who are too drunk to perservere (This makes us sounds like dogs, I don't think we're a bad looking group, we just don't go out to meet men - the other two have boyfriends, and so we focus on each other, not on posing). Yet last night was so hugely extreme that once I said to one guy, no thanks, I'm gay, lets talk instead? (ha) they'd go and tell their friends and then they would subsequently all try and work several new angles.
What this experience has left me wondering is why? I know there's the whole lesbian porn thing, plus, I'm in no ways butch (my best guy friend calls my girlfriend and I 'porn star lesbians'). However, it was literally like the best chat up line I could have ever used. Was it the alcohol? Is it the media? I would really love to know what fuels this mentality.
Don't get me wrong, I was aware of this before (think Mark Sloane in Grey's Anatomy sat in the middle of the relationship between Callie and @JessicaCapshaw 's Arizona, a good guy deep down, a good friend and yet still a little creepy when it comes to it), I'd just never experienced it on such a huge scale.
I should say that I did actually meet some great guys last night, but unfortunately, they were the exception?!
Anybody got the answer to this?