TRANSCRIPT OF TIGER WOODS APOLOGY STATEMENT!

@SportsNation @TheOlWP @ESPN_Michelle

TRANSCRIPT OF TIGER WOODS STATEMENT:

"I'm Sorry." (sad face, dramatic pause)

**Appear teary eyed, but dont over-do it!**

"Leave my family alone." (anger, dramatic pause)

"We've never had an episode of domestic violence. EVER." (anger, dramatic pause)

**Look down at podium to appear weak and struggling, then look back up and...dramatic pause**

"I never used Performance Enhancing Drugs" (wait what?!)

"Elin deserves praise, not blame." (she actually wrote this, help me)

"Elin never attacked me Thanksgiving Night" (she hit me with the turkey and broke the window on my escalade!)

**Thank audience, hug mom, dramatic pause, exit left**