Top 16 things that won't happen in 2016
In this New Year edition of No News Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things are not going to occur in the coming year:
Top 16 things that won't happen in 2016
Iran nuke annihilates Israel; defiant James Taylor sings "You've got a friend" over smoking pile of ashes
Chicago man claims to be world's worst liar; nobody believes him
College students crumble from micro-aggression; counselors redouble self-esteem-building efforts
Shocking study finds over-hyping 1,000% effective, changes everything forever!!
Drunk driving may cure cancer; fatal accidents reduce cancer deaths 100%
Congress ends hurtful stereotyping of blood types; everyone now A-B-O trans-positive-negative
Indisputable evidence proves: when you're right, you're right; skeptics remain doubtful
Sweeping reform on Wall Street; NYSE hires new cleaning service
Self-driving cars end rush hour: "Welcome to cattle drive"
Expanding university mystery solved; scientists discover fifth dimension of infinite student debt
Rapid magnetic pole migration causes compass confusion; US exports dollar store goods to Asia
Physicists detect billions of parallel universes; also a dozen perpendicular universes, and one at 45 degrees or so
Comatose patients granted voting rights; major parties vie for brain-dead voters
Public both doubts and embraces uncertainty principle
The more things change the more they stay the same: irresistible force hits immovable object
Hurricane downgraded from catastrophe to nuisance; holy-crap panic reduced to panties-in-a-bunch angst
Prepared with equal contributions from Comrade Will Beria.
In this New Year edition of No News Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things are not going to occur in the coming year:
Top 16 things that won't happen in 2016
Iran nuke annihilates Israel; defiant James Taylor sings "You've got a friend" over smoking pile of ashes
Chicago man claims to be world's worst liar; nobody believes him
College students crumble from micro-aggression; counselors redouble self-esteem-building efforts
Shocking study finds over-hyping 1,000% effective, changes everything forever!!
Drunk driving may cure cancer; fatal accidents reduce cancer deaths 100%
Congress ends hurtful stereotyping of blood types; everyone now A-B-O trans-positive-negative
Indisputable evidence proves: when you're right, you're right; skeptics remain doubtful
Sweeping reform on Wall Street; NYSE hires new cleaning service
Self-driving cars end rush hour: "Welcome to cattle drive"
Expanding university mystery solved; scientists discover fifth dimension of infinite student debt
Rapid magnetic pole migration causes compass confusion; US exports dollar store goods to Asia
Physicists detect billions of parallel universes; also a dozen perpendicular universes, and one at 45 degrees or so
Comatose patients granted voting rights; major parties vie for brain-dead voters
Public both doubts and embraces uncertainty principle
The more things change the more they stay the same: irresistible force hits immovable object
Hurricane downgraded from catastrophe to nuisance; holy-crap panic reduced to panties-in-a-bunch angst
Prepared with equal contributions from Comrade Will Beria.